process

Experiencing the death of a spouse can leave us feeling very alone and somewhat helpless.  In the blink of an eye, we are left to handle all of life’s traumas on our own – without the person we are closest to and depend on the most. The world might no longer feel like a ‘safe place’, as we adjust to the vulnerable feeling of now taking on the responsibility of doing some of the tasks our spouse used to do. It can even leave us with ‘surreal feelings’ especially during the first few weeks. A surviving spouse might catch themselves doing things like cooking for two or picking up the phone to call them, in the same way they did when their spouse was alive, because reality hasn’t quite set in yet. So there is usually a period of feeling moderately disoriented and experiencing mixed emotions and as we work to process our grief, and honor their memory – all at the same time. 

Difficulty concentrating is very common after the death of someone close to you. It isn’t uncommon at all to go from feeling uninterested in anything and feeling lethargic to feeling angry with your spouse for dying. After all, they have left you on your own – feeling abandoned and overwhelmed. 

But the grief process is complicated and everyone experiences it differently, and unfortunately, there is no way to avoid it. Loss produces grief for all of us; it’s simply part of the human condition. It does usually ease up a little bit as time passes, although you will still have good days and bad days. There are, however, a few things that you could do that might help.

First, it’s very important to acknowledge any emotions you are feeling, whether they’re good, bad or ugly. It’s not unusual to feel things like anger or guilt; we sometimes even feel relieved at their passing – especially if our spouse was suffering. But when you don’t give yourself permission to feel a full range of emotions, you may not be able to move forward. It’s easy to trap feelings inside of our bodies, resulting in emotional and physical consequences, like [emotional] depression or becoming [physically] ill. So it’s very important that you acknowledge all emotions and express whatever you are feeling to others. If you find that difficult, you might try writing about it.  Some people find it very healing to keep a journal and it’s also common to ‘write a letter’ to your departed spouse; it can be a cleansing experience to express those feelings instead of holding so many emotions inside.

Over the years that I’ve been practicing as a medium, many people come to my events to hear from a loved one for closure, healing, to say hello, or to say the goodbye that was never said. But many times when I connect to their loved ones on the other side, there are frequently messages asking for forgiveness. They come through loud and clear with messages of love, as well as asking for forgiveness to right a wrong they did while they were here on earth. Whether it’s the abusive father who put his son through so much anguish, the alcoholic mother who locked herself and her feelings away from her daughter, or the non-emotional and distant spouse who wished he’d expressed his love more openly to his wife and children, the variations on this emotional rollercoaster theme are endless.

I’m a great believer in living in the now, and not leaving things unsaid, to only have regrets later. So, usually when the link is finally severed and spirit steps back, I like to end the lecture by asking the audience, “Is there someone here, living, right now in your life that you need to reach out to, connect with and forgive?” I totally appreciate that most of the audience came to that lecture with the hope of hearing from their loved ones who have passed, but part of the message in this edition of Soul Inspirations is about making the effort to re-connect with the people here in your lives if at all possible. Don’t leave things unsaid … if there’s forgiveness to either offer, or receive, then start the process today!

This theme of asking for forgiveness happens quite often during my readings. It’s at that time that I hear stories about how they’ve not uttered a single word to a sibling, parent, or friend for many months or in some cases, even years! It’s often because of something that happened when a person in all their lives passed on. It could be the ring your sister received, the money that should have gone to someone else, the house that was sold without permission, and in some cases, people even don’t remember why they were not speaking because it has been so long.

CHAPTER 1

A Process That Helps You Heal

The concept of Emotional Wisdom evolved from my thirty-plus years of working with many hundreds of clients and observing which techniques helped them positively transform their lives. What emerged was a healing model that includes a series of simple yet powerful tools and a variety of experiential exercises. The results provide a sense of true empowerment and improved self-esteem. In addition, the Emotional Wisdom process offers three new concepts: