marriage

Question: “What if I’m already married and I want to know which name I should use in calculating my numbers?”

Being married already, the choice has already been made. Depending on your choice, there are three ways this can be dealt with. First, if you’ve kept your maiden name, your initial family vibration remains in tact and you will deal with your mate’s family issues from a more impartial perspective. This keeps a sense of clarity about your own heritage, lessons and boundaries. This is probably the easiest to deal with.

Second, if you have taken on your mate’s surname, you will be involved in the family issues to the extent that your “objectivity,” if we can call it that, will be limited. You will have a feeling of inclusion in the mate’s family and will still have a conscious sense of your own family issues, but they won’t play as heavily in your issues with your mate except as being received by them as an “outside” influence. In essence, you will be dealing with the two vibrations “separately.”

Experiencing the death of a spouse can leave us feeling very alone and somewhat helpless.  In the blink of an eye, we are left to handle all of life’s traumas on our own – without the person we are closest to and depend on the most. The world might no longer feel like a ‘safe place’, as we adjust to the vulnerable feeling of now taking on the responsibility of doing some of the tasks our spouse used to do. It can even leave us with ‘surreal feelings’ especially during the first few weeks. A surviving spouse might catch themselves doing things like cooking for two or picking up the phone to call them, in the same way they did when their spouse was alive, because reality hasn’t quite set in yet. So there is usually a period of feeling moderately disoriented and experiencing mixed emotions and as we work to process our grief, and honor their memory – all at the same time. 

Difficulty concentrating is very common after the death of someone close to you. It isn’t uncommon at all to go from feeling uninterested in anything and feeling lethargic to feeling angry with your spouse for dying. After all, they have left you on your own – feeling abandoned and overwhelmed. 

But the grief process is complicated and everyone experiences it differently, and unfortunately, there is no way to avoid it. Loss produces grief for all of us; it’s simply part of the human condition. It does usually ease up a little bit as time passes, although you will still have good days and bad days. There are, however, a few things that you could do that might help.

First, it’s very important to acknowledge any emotions you are feeling, whether they’re good, bad or ugly. It’s not unusual to feel things like anger or guilt; we sometimes even feel relieved at their passing – especially if our spouse was suffering. But when you don’t give yourself permission to feel a full range of emotions, you may not be able to move forward. It’s easy to trap feelings inside of our bodies, resulting in emotional and physical consequences, like [emotional] depression or becoming [physically] ill. So it’s very important that you acknowledge all emotions and express whatever you are feeling to others. If you find that difficult, you might try writing about it.  Some people find it very healing to keep a journal and it’s also common to ‘write a letter’ to your departed spouse; it can be a cleansing experience to express those feelings instead of holding so many emotions inside.

Hello Cynthia,

Last night I had a very disturbing dream. The dream started with me babysitting a young child that felt as if it was 1 or 2 years old but looked younger. It looked as if it had a skin disease. Its skin was wrinkled as if it had been in the water WAY to long and it was peeling. Its skin also had a grayish tint to it. The child started fussing so I started to change its diaper. The child started acting terrified and locked its hands onto my arms and it's legs onto my body. Then we both were electrocuted. I really felt the pain even though I was only dreaming. I knew the shock was coming from the child and finally broke loose. I felt as if the child was partly terrified because it felt the shock coming, not just because I was changing it's diaper. But the child was terrified of the pain it thought would happen when the diaper was off.   

We broke apart then something popped out of the back of the child's head. Whatever popped out was a round black thing. I looked at the back of the child's head and there was a black hole in its head but it was not bleeding. Then stuff started pouring out of the child's mouth. Floating in the "stuff" was little pieces of paper. Each piece had a word on it. I read the words and it said, "now you can see it come out the other end". I looked down at the child and the child had changed. It looked older and it had been mutilated but it was still alive. It was horrible! I told my husband to call 911 then the dream shifted/changed to what felt like the beginning of what happened to the child.