death

Experiencing the death of a spouse can leave us feeling very alone and somewhat helpless.  In the blink of an eye, we are left to handle all of life’s traumas on our own – without the person we are closest to and depend on the most. The world might no longer feel like a ‘safe place’, as we adjust to the vulnerable feeling of now taking on the responsibility of doing some of the tasks our spouse used to do. It can even leave us with ‘surreal feelings’ especially during the first few weeks. A surviving spouse might catch themselves doing things like cooking for two or picking up the phone to call them, in the same way they did when their spouse was alive, because reality hasn’t quite set in yet. So there is usually a period of feeling moderately disoriented and experiencing mixed emotions and as we work to process our grief, and honor their memory – all at the same time. 

Difficulty concentrating is very common after the death of someone close to you. It isn’t uncommon at all to go from feeling uninterested in anything and feeling lethargic to feeling angry with your spouse for dying. After all, they have left you on your own – feeling abandoned and overwhelmed. 

But the grief process is complicated and everyone experiences it differently, and unfortunately, there is no way to avoid it. Loss produces grief for all of us; it’s simply part of the human condition. It does usually ease up a little bit as time passes, although you will still have good days and bad days. There are, however, a few things that you could do that might help.

First, it’s very important to acknowledge any emotions you are feeling, whether they’re good, bad or ugly. It’s not unusual to feel things like anger or guilt; we sometimes even feel relieved at their passing – especially if our spouse was suffering. But when you don’t give yourself permission to feel a full range of emotions, you may not be able to move forward. It’s easy to trap feelings inside of our bodies, resulting in emotional and physical consequences, like [emotional] depression or becoming [physically] ill. So it’s very important that you acknowledge all emotions and express whatever you are feeling to others. If you find that difficult, you might try writing about it.  Some people find it very healing to keep a journal and it’s also common to ‘write a letter’ to your departed spouse; it can be a cleansing experience to express those feelings instead of holding so many emotions inside.

Traditionally, holiday times are family times.  However, when a precious family member or friend passes, the yearly arrival of holidays can be painful instead of festive.  Over the years, I’ve received so many messages from the spirits about holidays, food and family, that they’ve provided a template for creating new “spirited” Thanksgiving celebrations.  Here are some suggestions for including our loved ones in spirit as we approach Thanksgiving.  Each person and every family can adapt these suggestions to suit their particular situation.

1.  Celebrate by giving thanks. 

Now this might seem an obvious point, but a loved one’s death can make us feel anything but grateful.  However, I’ve learned from the spirits that gratitude paves the way for connection.

One of the simplest ways of giving thanks is to sit quietly and thank the person in spirit directly.  Thank a brother for his great sense of humor or a friend for her support during difficult times.  These experiences we’ve shared on earth cannot be taken from us - - even by death.

2.  Celebrate by remembering the good times. 

It is natural during holiday celebrations to reminisce about other family gatherings.  During a phone session on Thanksgiving Eve, a father in spirit flashed a picture of a dog with a turkey in its mouth into my mind.  The mother and daughter on the other end of the phone laughed while trying to explain that Dad had dropped the turkey on the floor one Thanksgiving Day and their dog, Lady, had dragged it off in her mouth.  

Loved ones in spirit remember the good times, too.  And they laugh with us.

Ceres, known to the Greeks as Demeter, is the classical goddess of agriculture who worked unceasingly to bring food and nourishment to the people of the Earth. One of the most famous stories of antiquity tells of the ravishment and abduction of Persephone (Latin Proserpina), Ceres’ daughter, by Pluto, Lord of the Underworld, and of Ceres’ subsequent grief and suffering as she wanders disconsolately over the Earth in search of her missing child. In her anger, she causes a famine, withholding production of all food, until her daughter is returned. Meanwhile, Persephone, in a symbolic act of rape, is tricked into eating pomegranate seeds, associated with sexual awareness, thus giving Pluto a claim over her.

A compromise is reached between Ceres and Pluto whereby Persephone spends part of each year in the underworld with Pluto caring for the souls of the dead, but returns each spring to her mother in the upper world after having initiated the dead into the rites of rebirth. For over 2000 years, this drama was celebrated regularly in ancient Greece as the initiation rites of the Eleusinian Mysteries.

In the human psyche, Ceres represents that aspect of our nature that longs to give birth, nourish, and sustain new life, as well as to nurture and be nurtured by others through the giving and receiving of unconditional love and acceptance. She represents the essential bonding or lack thereof that occurs between mother and child—a bonding centered on the giving of food as the expression of love. In our early experiences as children, this food/love may be freely given. In other instances, however, it is conditionally awarded, withheld as a form of punishment, or denied through neglect, causing the self-love and self-worth normally associated with Ceres to be undermined and undeveloped, and precipitating a host of psychological problems for the child and, later, the adult.

The CANCER-CAPRICORN FULL MOON shone at its peak on JULY 14 for some (11:40pm PDT) and JULY 15 for most (2:40 am EDT, 7:40am GDT).

I apologize for being a little late on this one—this Full Moon rather snuck up on me, taking me a bit by surprise? Anyone else feel that way? It is a significant Full Moon, the blossoming of the New Moon eclipse of July 1 that I wrote about last time.

Dear Cynthia,

About 31 years ago, I had a dream that baffled me completely.  In the dream, I had died. I had the sense I was hovering over my casket, looking down, but not at myself.  I saw my father sitting near the casket, and a room full of people.  I could hear muted talking, laughing, and bits of conversation.  My father was able to hear and talk with me.  He was the only one I actually interacted with.  No one else could see or hear me. No one seemed to question the fact that he was talking to me; in fact they didn't even seem to notice.  I asked him where I was and how I got there.  He explained that I had died in an accident.  I was behind a logging truck, riding in a car as a passenger,  a log slid off the back of the truck  came through the windshield and hit me in the chest, it went through me.  I died instantly and had felt nothing.  I was mostly concerned about the truck driver and made dad promise to tell him it was not his fault, and that I am okay. The truck driver was taking it very badly. I wanted Dad to console him. I woke up crying, tears of joy and my heart was full to bursting. I felt so full of energy, happy, joyful even. Tears just rolling down my cheeks. I carried that feeling with me for hours!

I don't remember knowing or asking anything about the driver of the car I was in. I never actually saw myself lying in the casket; I just "knew" it was me.

Thank you,

Bonney Milan - an Infinite Quest member

Dear Bonney,

Yours is a very intriguing dream, thank you for sending it in. Probably most compelling is the feeling of compassion you had for the truck driver and the feeling state you carried out of your dream. That part is a beautiful example of the basis of true religion, loving kindness and compassion for all. In the language of dreams a death, most often, has to do with transformation. So I’m wondering what was shifting for you 31 years ago? A part of you was “dying” to allow a new aspect of self to be born or launched. The fact that your dad is the only one who can communicate with you is significant. Ask yourself how you would describe him to uncover what he symbolizes in your dream. Or think back about the qualities of your relationship at that time. Was he the spiritual one? The one who truly understood you? Or the one you always wanted to make proud?

The vivid detail and emotional component of the logging truck accident feels like an actual past life/parallel life experience. If it was, then perhaps the soul who was your father was a part of that existence as well. He may have been the truck driver, for instance.  

If not, we’ll break it down symbolically. Being a passenger in a car means that you have (had) turned your power over to another. An accident is an unexpected, in this case tragic, happening. Logging truck, wood for construction is being transported. However a log becomes a cause of death. What ingredient in your life was still in the raw state and potentially harmful?  I’m also wondering if your father was the only one that observed or believed in this potential danger? Any vehicle can represent your body, or where you are at that point in your life, were you feeling like a utility truck, something that was primarily involved with carrying stuff back and forth to where it needs to be, going through the motions of life?

So, lots of questions here, but tinctured down, your dream for me means that you were feeling that you were not in charge of your own life, (passenger seat) you were more of a work horse than a cherished being, (logging truck). You wanted a change, and saw your father as someone who could see and understand.  You may have had a glimpse of another life where you were reminded that death can be a blissful experience, surrounded by love.  This may have given you courage to carry on in this lifetime.

Additionally and most importantly, your dream is a gift from the Creator allowing you to feel Divine Love. Can you imagine how this world would be if everyone came from that heart space all of the time? Thanks so much for sharing.